Author: Meph (---.dip.t-dialin.net)
Date: 04-20-06 07:18
Why do we have to be devils to humans, and children to God?
To succeed with humans, you seem to have to be a devil.
"All my nightly prowls succeed ..", says the devil. The devil knows success.
Perhaps, when God succeeds, the devil is the only one who isn't satisfied.
How then, am I not satisfied either? Rather, I am satisfied, and I am not. What pulls me from God's perfection? Partly, life is such that this has to be, it seems, God isn't devoted to make my entire life, whatever I choose it to be, bright and alit. Rebellion's always possible, and so is that I become ignorant, that I become lazy, that I get lost in a plethora of sins.
God came to me again last weekend. He said to me: "You may live yourself, but give me priority." He said, "Write your book, but then, care again for what is near." I asked about Raphael, about him being married, and how that seems contradictory to how a true christian (or rather, believer) should be, and he said "He would leave his wife, if I demanded it.".
I think I am in mercy. Now, what is Nietzscheanian will, what should he do in that? When you're a poor nietzscheanian, and someone in generousness hands you some money, what will you do? Rejection of that generousness .. for what? Devaluing such generousness .. for what? Buying myself something from that generousness ... for what? What do we really need? God said don't forget to care again for what is near. Is the money near? Only when it's needed for the very basic, when I could do something positive with it.
I'm still at a loss to deal with hellfire, condemnation of gays, condemnation of @!#$ amongst the unmarried. But I'm seeing something, the moment in which I die perhaps, what will all of these things matter then? Kierkegaard said how to be a christian is like paying pennies to an insurance that pays off when I die. Pennies? Why should I be afraid to pay pennies? When God wants me to take care of what is near, my family, my friends, the beggars down the road, the neighbor in need, why should I be afraid of this? Obviously, there is a greatness in doing the good. And anyone can do the same, whether he's gay or not.
It takes some strength to encounter a woman that appeals, and to know that some day she won't matter to me anymore, when I die. In fact, if you can muster the strength, only then the temptation comes.
I talked with my sister about casual se-x some days ago. She taught me, if you want it, you can have it, set your mind to it, it's much easier than you think. Just never apologize.
The tension in me is awesome. I am filled with energy. I have God, and I see the beauty of all women again. It's strange. The way I appreciate God's shining light, makes me indifferent to beauty, yet in the same time able to see it. I do not mind the ugly face, the evil face even. You see the simple soul inside. There is such simplicity in evil, and the good is simple too. But try to do it .. how easily can you get bored of trying to do good. When you know God, you also know that you can't exceed in doing good, you can't do more good than he did. Hmm, but Christ said people will do greater things than he did. Spoken like a true nietzscheanian.
Nietzsche knew a few things. If he had known God, he would have had a better life. But how could he know? God came to me after the evil fundie Raphael prayed and started a prayer chain. That's what Raphael thinks. But did he not come on his own accord? I can be certain to be heard in prayer. But that is so much already. It's like when a little child wants his parents to leave the light on in the sleeping chamber. God simply didn't leave the light on in Nietzsche's chamber. Whose fault was that? Raphael would say, only Nietzsches, or perhaps the devil's.
Christians say sainthood entails a wonderful freedom. But perhaps it is also a terrible freedom.
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